A Pocket Full Of Kryptonite

A Pocket Full of Kryptonite. Ever hear that album by Spin Doctors? I detest that pile of shit...I also detest Spin Doctors...and their goddamn lead singer that looked like some happy hippie fuck sixties throwback. Fuck Spin Doctors.

But this post is not about the band who brought the world the equivalent of musical diarrhea with such gems as "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong."...(ever see that video? Absolutely vomit inducing), this is a post about kryptonite. Kryptonite...an element created from the remains of Superman's home planet of Krypton that can actually kill Superman. Have you ever tried to kill Superman? Take it from me it's not that easy.

I think we all have a personal form of Kryptonite...something that has a tremendously adverse effect on us..our Achilles heel, the thing that makes our skin crawl at the very thought of it.

Picture yourself as a super hero. A super hero that has been captured by your arch enemy. What weakness does this arch enemy use against you? I have two personal versions of kryptonite : Chewing gum and mayonnaise...both of which completely repulse me. The thought of either can make me nauseous immediately, but if I had to pick the worst of these two evils, I would have to go for chewing gum... a creation so foul and annoying to me that it literally makes me want to punch people in their gum-chomping jaws, and I won't even go into what evil thoughts I have entertained concerning the idiots who repeatedly pop their gum loudly as if it's some form of toy for their jaws to play with. I have never seen the movie "Saw" or any of it's 5,000 sequels (surprisingly), but I imagine that the fantasies that I reserve for such inconsiderate, oblivious assholes would be something along the line of the horrors depicted in those films. Just the smell of gum is revolting to me. It smells like what I would imagine an evil clown would smell like, like Pennywise from Stephen King's book "It"...it's a sickly sweet stench that I find absolutely repulsive...in any of its foul incarnations, "minty", fruity", etc...they are each a slice of the devil's feces in my opinion.

This would be the element that my arch enemy would use against me if I were a super hero. Luckily, I have always tended to side with the villains so hopefully I will never find myself locked in a room packed with gum-chomping retards.