Special Peacock Meat Hamburger Helper For Chongo

Dear diary,

I awoke this morning after my stint in the deprivation chamber to find everyone in my neighborhood now sporting shiny plastic bowler hats, the type that you only find at Walgreen's during the Halloween season. Now afraid to go outside as they will all know that I am not one of "them". Got odd stares through my living room window during routine observation period...heard one elderly neighbor mumble, "Arbitrary...unsatisfactory...disproportionate" as she pointed at my un-hatted visage in the window. Perhaps it is now truly time to arm myself to the teeth. God help us all.

My Current Shit List

1.) Mrs. Butterworth (Whore!)

2.) The entire production team behind the movie "Bring It On : In It To Win It" (Eat a big bag of shit you Hollywood dickwads!)

3.) Anyone named Milton (Fuckers!)

4.) That guy at the funeral home with the sticky hands (Freak!)

5.) Dick Van Patten (Your comedy chops were not up to snuff in the film, "Spaceballs"!)

6.) Mervin T. Bonkers, III (Not a real taxidermist! The aardvark looks like shit!)

7.) Polish singing sensation, Bobby Vinton (nice panties, FUCKFACE!)