1.) Indiana Jones and the Boner of Hendrix. Trapped in development hell, this treatment proposed a sequel in which the geriatric archaeologist pursues thieves who have stolen the notorious plaster cast of famed guitarist Jimi Hendrix's erect penis.
2.) Irwin Allen's Raw Sewage. In 1978, "Master of Disaster" Allen proposed this aptly-titled disaster epic in which an all-star cast fight for their lives when the streets of Los Angeles become flooded with human waste. Reportedly, when Allen approached Charlton Heston to play the lead role, the star quipped, "Are you fucking crazy?!" and tried to stab the director in the neck with a screw driver hidden in his sock.
3.) Franco Zefferelli's Joannie Loves Chaci. This proposed big screen version of the short-lived Happy Days spin off sitcom was abandoned when the famed Romeo and Juliette director instead chose to develop early treatments for The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island.
4.) Lord of the Bling. This urban-flavored re-imagining of J.R.R. Tolkien's epic fantasy trilogy was shelved when early make-up tests proved to make actor, Samuel L. Jackson, who was to portray the wizard, Gandalf, appear too much like Song of the South narrator, Uncle Remus. The furious actor reportedly stormed out of make-up tests screaming, "Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother fuckin' snakes on this mother fuckin' plane!"
5.) Disney's Sodom and Gomorrah. This horrific tale of God's vengeance was forsaken when Disney studios' conceptual artists failed to come up with a family-friendly way to portray sodomy. The song Lick My Boner, composed for the film's potential soundtrack, was later used in a straight-to-video Little Mermaid sequel.
6.) David Lynch's Picklenose. Early drafts of the screenplay for Lynch's aborted project don't really explain anything at all. The color blue is heavily featured, as is a male character "Who vaguely resembles Fatty Arbuckle". The film was to also feature several close ups of raw meat swarming with flies and a man who has his nose replaced by a large dill pickle.
7.) The Great Muppet Holocaust. Little is know about this aborted project, probably for the best.
8.) Godzilla Versus Vaginasaur. Conceptual sketches for this entry in the successful Japanese giant monster series depict "The King of the Monsters" doing battle with a gargantuan rubber vagina.
No comments:
Post a Comment