Finger Lickin' Bad

I have written about this ridiculous mask before on this blog. Take a good look at this stupid thing. What kid (who wasn't suffering from some sort of dementia) would actually choose to be Colonel Sanders, the founder the Kentucky Fried Chicken Franchise, for Halloween?

Batman? Nope. Frankenstein's monster? Nope. How about Spiderman? No...I want to be Colonel Sanders for Halloween. WTF????? And even if the kid didn't make this particularly bizarre choice, what parent would be weird enough to pick this out for their child?

This thing was half of an actual Halloween costume. I know this because I witnessed the strange power of this mask first-hand as a kid. This mask was the catalyst for the only time that I have actually wet my pants from laughing so hard that I truly lost control of my bladder. Imagine being at another child's house, a child that you have just met...the kid busts out a Colonel Sanders mask. Then the aforementioned child, without any warning, puts on his Colonel Sanders mask and proceeds to completely flip out as if he is having a spastic fit, flailing around his room running into things and spinning around screaming as if he is a robot who has gone out of control.

At nine or ten years old...whatever age it was...it was the single weirdest thing that I had ever seen a human being do, and this surprise slapstick comedy attack was so fucking hilarious that I could not stop laughing, and the more I laughed, the more the kid freaked out for my enjoyment. It was either part of a routine shtick he performed for guests or a moment of truly inspired lunacy created on the spot...whichever it was, it remains, to this day, one of the funniest things that I have seen in my lifetime.

For years I wondered if this actually happened...I knew it did of course, but it just seemed so weird that I often wondered if I'd dreamt this up myself somehow. I never saw another Colonel Sanders mask again until last week when I thought to google "Colonel Sanders Mask" to prove that I was not hallucinating way back when. As it turned out, someone just happened to be auctioning off one of these idiotic things on eBay...well guess who is now the proud owner if his own, very real, plastic Colonel Sanders Halloween mask? That's right! I'm that stupid/weird! Lucky me! Maybe I'll have to frame this thing....or better yet...wear it when guests come over and surprise them with a little out-of-control freak out.