Honey-Roasted Fetus Kabobs

Dan West: It's another exciting day here at the Dan West Hates You And None Of You Will Be Happy Blog. I don't have many special guests here on the blog, but today I'm less than thrilled to bring back one of my least popular and least favorite: The Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask. Hello, Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask...it's nice to have you back.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Glad to be back, Don.

Dan West: It's Dan.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: What is?

Dan West: My name...it's Dan. I smell alcohol...vodka if I'm not mistaken...I see you didn't disappoint by showing up sober.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Wouldn't dream of it, Dane.

Dan West: It's Dan...nevermind...What would you dream of, Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask?

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Round, brown ghetto booty.

Dan West: Interesting. Well since I don't really have any questions for you, I figured we would simply engage in a bit of free association.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: What...like Jerry's Kids?

Dan West: No, I will say a word or series of words and you simply say the first thing that comes into your mind.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Sounds fun.

Dan West: Are you ready?

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Fire away!

Dan West: Peppermint.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The objectification of Ethel Merman's cleavage as a masturbatory aid!

Dan West: Gonorrhea.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Playa hatin' with Rabbi Schlomo Feldstein

Dan West: Lobster bib.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Blood-Stained Gloryhole.

Dan West: R&B singing sensation, Peabo Bryson.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Cock-Sucking Jiffy Lube Employee.

Dan West: Iceberg Lettuce.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Catholics simply crave the new nougat-filled Eucharist.

Dan West: Onion.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Shit-Covered Dildo!

Dan West: You really seem to have the Hardy Boys on your mind today.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Diarrhea-Splattered Restroom!

Dan West: Boner.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Brushing your teeth with Ben Gay pain-relieving ointment.

Dan West: Juicy Couture.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The children like the chewy rat carcass.

Dan West: The A Team.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Please don't ignite Granny's anal dynamite.

Dan West: Flypaper.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Mixin' sexual elixirs in my pharmacy of love.

Dan West: Slap-Happy Pappy.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: The condemnation of the buttock tickler.

Dan West: Butterscotch lovin'.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Tito's taco truck tummy tremors.

Dan West: Well, Weird Man in a Mr. Spock mask...we have thankfully run out of time. It was truly a pleasure having you here today for this session of free association. Thank you so much for stopping by.

Weird Man in a Mr. Spock Mask: Oh, none taken, Dane.