Jim patted the malodorous perspiration from his testicles with a damp washcloth. The baby powder had been only mildly successful in preventing what Jim had come to refer to as "cheese balls". His groin area had ever-so-recently begun to emit a vexing and undesirable odor. The scent was particularly problematic during "teabagin' time" at the office. Jim seldom participated in "tea time" these days for fear that others in the office might take offense at the sour aroma of his sweat-drenched balls. A generous splash of Old Spice aftershave only seemed to mutate the odor into a pungent and embarrassing entity that haunted the folds of his cotton briefs. On Tuesday an anonymous prankster at the office had slipped a post card under his office door that read: "Hey stinky balls, you tryin' to get arrested for testicular manslaughter? How 'bout givin' those hard boiled eggs of yours a scrub or two before we all have to start huffing Lysol?"
Jim had narrowed down the source of the offending odor to an infection caused by either the mouth area of his homemade sexual assistance puppet or the moldy spandex of his Spiderman costume. He just hoped that the leeches he'd applied to his testicles would be able to remedy the infection with a little time and effort. In the meantime he would wear a Depends mint-scented adult diaper to the office and hope for the best. Perhaps he could switch to the wintergreen ultra-fresh spearmint scent if he needed to up the ante. He was confident that he could beat this thing...not like that guy at Chuck E. Cheese with the club foot. Hey..."beat"..."club"...Jim thought there was a potential joke in there somewhere and jotted a quick note below his list of things that he would like to lick.
Jim took a swallow of the white man's fire water and affixed his bald cap with a dollop of spirit gum. He would have his revenge for that funny little postcard about his balls, even if he had to go undercover in disguise to taste his sweet, blood-drenched revenge. A fake moustache, a phony mole in his cheek, a pair of horn-rimmed glasses...a swastika drawn on his forehead with his own fecal matter. Who was that bald-headed stranger looking back at him in the mirror? Zip Zany The Human Mushroom Cloud Man? Chooglin' Jake? Weanie Touchie Brian Loosecannon? Bucky Sabertooth III? Durville Sweettreat? Sambo Flapjack the fish squeezer? Colgate Jurgens, Sr.? Old Pop Whitman? Crappy Slim? Kink Corncorb? Sampson Dingleberry? Floop? Sock Puppet Cock? Chicky Gurgles?
Who was he today and who had called him Mr. Stinky Balls?
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