Hell Evil Madness Zombie Halloween Mask Cape Props(???)

Nothing quite beats a shitty Halloween mask for laughs...EXCEPT one with a shitty cape sewn to it like a bonnet! This baby is eleven million shades of awesome! Ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, I present to you the "Hell Evil Madness Zombie Mask Cape Props". (????). Aside from the fact that this shitty Dracula mask seems to be actually sewn into the equally-crappy cape, it has so much more to offer the potential Halloween costume buyer as website boasts:

"100% BRAND NEW Halloween mask & in excellent condition, never used before!
This mask with rubber strap is made from high quality durable silicone, very clean and never odor, it can show its horrible outline in dark light! its full-head size fits all most of adult comfortably!
Come with cape, which was made of chiffon cloth! it measures more than 1m long;
Unique design to scare everyone with its evil and spooky appearance, it seems that Day of Satan governing the world came back again!
Excellent collectible scary mask for Halloween or decorating "haunted" house best! Great for trick-or-treating or any Halloween party!
Weight: 210g"

Now who in their right mind wouldn't purchase such a fantastic Halloween ensemble? And don't forget "it seems that Day of Satan governing the world came back again" (?????) and "very clean and never odor."

Rubber Some Hair With Spinous Nose? Really?

Okay I think something is being lost in translation on this shitty Halloween mask website. This little baby is called the "Rubber Some Hair With Spinous Nose Guileful Halloween Mask". Come again?

Adult Big Sex Mouth With Hair

There's nothing quite as awe-inspiring or hilarious to me as a really shitty Halloween mask. Mexico produces some of the very worst....and I think this little baby may have crept over the border with a few of its retarded-looking brethren. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the "Adult Big Sex Mouth Halloween Mask With Hair" (?????). That is what this monstrosity is called on the website I found it on. What the fuck does that even mean? Adult Big Sex Mouth Halloween Mask with Hair? This looks like someone who's been run over several times with an automobile.

http://www.last.fm/group/Janet+Weiss+Is+Hot

And she truly is...

http://www.last.fm/group/Janet+Weiss+Is+Hot

Happy Halloween!

Gee, there's just something life-affirming about this photo.

Grandma's got the clap! Again!

These were my final Craig's List Personals posts :




I'm tired of making love to inflatable chicks! Let's get it on! - 39 (castro / upper market)
Date: 2009-10-06, 1:59PM PDT

Hey ladies, I have the recipe for sex that you have been seeking :



1/2 cup of sensuality



2/3 tea spoon of intelligence



1 tablespoon of handsome



3 cups of cool



4 cans of creamed corn



one sheet of blotter acid



2, 40 ounce bottles of Country Club Malt Liquor



I cup candy corn



2 table spoons of I Can't Believe it's Not Butter!



5 pairs of edible underwear



6 gummy worms



1 box of adult diapers



the ability to breathe under water like Aqua Man



2 pairs of Frankenstein's monster boots



3 pounds of badger meat



1 dash of Mrs Dash



3 cans of moustache wax

Sensual sexy surgical glove boob massage from Arnie Jergens - 37 (nob hill)
Date: 2009-10-06, 1:34PM PDT

Hey all you sexy ladies! Arnie's here to provide you with my patented sexy, sensual, surgical glove boob massage. I have the salad oil and the magic fingers to send you somewhere over the rainbow! Lay back on my autopsy table and enjoy the sensual stylings of Arnie's magical digits. I'm like a master pianist, but I play the boobs instead of the piano. Give your boobs the professional "Arnie Touch" (copyright 2009). This time I will even wear pants! Let's nail down a time when my mother isn't home so we won't be interrupted! She does church bingo on Wednesday nights, so that's the best time for Arnie!

Eat Shit September! October is Finally Here!

Now begins my sacred month of horror film viewing. To welcome the month of October I'm posting one of my favorite images from the Hammer Films Dracula series. Anouska Hempel in all her drop-dead-gorgeous glory.