My electrifying personal posts on craigs list for this week:
Sexy Soul Mate Sought For Wax Figure Of Burt Reynolds - 38 (potrero hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-961974469@craigslist.org?subject=Sexy%20Soulmate%20Sought%20For%20Wax%20Figure%20Of%20Burt%20Reynolds%20-%2038%20(potrero%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-12-17, 3:36PM PST
You know him from "The Longest Yard", "Smokey And The Bandit", "Boogie Nights" and "Cop and a Half"...yes ladies it's none other than sexy Burt Reynolds, rendered perfectly in wax and dressed in his authentic costume from "The Cannonball Run II". Burt is seeking a live woman to mate with so that he might spawn a race of half-wax children who will arise to conquer mankind in a bloody battle for survival. Needless to say, Burt is anatomically correct, just for this purpose. Now's your chance to make it with and honest-to-goodness, movie superstar rendered in wax! Come and mate with Burt!
I Found A Box Of Used Sex Toys Outside! Let's Explore The Wild Side! - 35 (portola district)
Reply to: mailto:pers-962003698@craigslist.org?subject=I%20Found%20A%20Box%20Of%20Used%20Sex%20Toys%20Outside!%20Let [?]Date: 2008-12-17, 4:01PM PST
They're awfully sticky but that's nothing a little pine sol and steel wool won't fix! There's a vast assortment of strange and exciting items here and best of all they were FREE! You can't beat a nice sexual bargain! That's what I say! Now all I need is a sexy lady to try out my new toys on! We'll pretend I am a humble, German Toymaker with a bushy, gray moustache and lederhosen...and I will say things such as "Oh, Ya...Now icht timen zat we try zis new zex toy on zah dolly lady, yay!". We'll have an erotic and highly-creative experience with our new collection of sex toys that I found in a greasy box sitting on the street outside my house!
Wealthy,Sugar Daddy Eaten By Scientist With Head Of House Fly - 38 (castro / upper market)
Reply to: mailto:pers-961810052@craigslist.org?subject=Wealthy,Sugar%20Daddy%20Eaten%20By%20Scientist%20With%20Head%20Of%20House%20Fly%20-%2038%20(castro%20/%20upper%20market) [?]Date: 2008-12-17, 1:26PM PST
Jerry Jiggles liked his ladies loose...like rubber...floppy and squishy. He liked to fondle them, his hands dripping with salad dressing, his underwear full of Vaseline and gummi bears. Sometimes he would wear his hat made of dead fish and cry out "WIIIIIINKKKKIIEEEEE WWOOOOOOOOO WWOOOOOOOOO!". Then he would pretend to plant a magical pickle tree that granted wishes. Every night was a sex-drenched party at Jerry Jiggles place. There was free chili and lots of Ernest and Julio Gallo Chablis to drink. Everyone was happy and sexually satisfied. Sometimes they would all go out for delicious fried chicken
Alone Tonight? Bored? Let's Try Out My New Sex Coffin! - 36 (richmond / seacliff)
Reply to: mailto:pers-961850305@craigslist.org?subject=Alone%20Tonight%3f%20Bored%3f%20Let [?]Date: 2008-12-17, 1:56PM PST
Holy crap! Uncle Happy's eaten all the candy we were saving to lure the children into the maze of horrors! That crazy old bastard and his damn sweet tooth! It isn't enough that he got feces all over the walls of the make-shift operating room during the amateur autopsy competition, he has to go and eat up all the sweet and delicious, tempting candy! It took me two days to restore the lemon-fresh scent to the make-shift operating room after his fecal-themed antics and I don't want him let out of the attic again unless that nosy social worker comes sniffing around. He gets into too much mischief. Put him back in his harness and make sure the mouth piece on the head restraint is zipped shut
Enraged Man-Child Rubs Chewing Gum In Elderly Woman's Hair - 36 (SOMA / south beach)
Reply to: mailto:pers-961911888@craigslist.org?subject=Enraged%20Man-Child%20Rubs%20Chewing%20Gum%20In%20Elderly%20Woman [?]Date: 2008-12-17, 2:44PM PST
Bobby does tend to get bent out of shape when he doesn't get his way. Why only today he was posting ads on craigs list about wanting to gently nurse women's breasts when his request for "More Ovaltine please" was denied by the grand dragon master of the black council of Yargon. Fueled by an infantile sense of entitlement he flew into a rage, attacking his elderly caregiver with a fist full of soggy, sticky Bubble Yum brand bubble gum. His geriatric nursemaid was able to free herself from her furious charge by stabbing him in the gut with a fingernail file, sending him to the ground screaming like an overgrown infant. It was an ugly scene and we're all delighted that we happened to be video taping the altercation to post on You Tube.
Clairvoyant Poultry Farmer In Sexy ,Tight, Silk Shorts, LTR - 35 (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: mailto:pers-961947590@craigslist.org?subject=Clairvoyant%20Poultry%20Farmer%20In%20Sexy%20,Tight,%20Silk%20%20Shorts,%20LTR%20-%2035%20(downtown%20/%20civic%20/%20van%20ness) [?]Date: 2008-12-17, 3:13PM PST
Duncan Johnson wanted to be thought of by all the sexy foxes as "Mr. Firehose Wiener Man Of Sexual Intrigue and Erotic Adventure"....he even had this self-appointed nickname tattooed across his wide, sweaty, pimple-covered buttocks. He also made himself a large, cardboard top hat which boasted a sign on the front announcing his nickname spelled out in gold glitter like some kind of hat billboard. He would frequent the funky disco, boogieing down to the crazy disco beat....his gold, silky shorts rubbing coyly against random women who would back away in terror and disgust. Duncan loved him some ladies at the funky disco! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
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