A True Story That Really Happened

Last night, as I was battling a vicious hoard of vampires, I couldn't help but think to myself how much better I would fare with Steven Seagal by my side, then, suddenly, literally out of the blue, my good friend Aladdin flew down from the sky on his magic carpet. He informed me that he had found a magic lamp with Robin Williams trapped inside of it. I commented that he'd better never let him out or he'll never shut up. Aladdin informed me that Robin Williams was able to grant wishes and now had blue skin and wore big, baggy pants. I pondered this information and thinking quickly, I used the samurai sword that I was fighting off the vampires with to decapitate Aladdin and steal his lamp with Robin Williams trapped inside. Once the lamp was in my possession I summoned Robin Williams from the land beyond beyond to do my bidding. "I wish Steven Seagal was at my side helping me fight all of these vampires!" I informed Robin, who was doing a wacky Groucho Marx Impression and then pretending he was a fly trapped in a spider's web and saying "Heeelllllllpppppp Meeeee" in a funny voice over and over and over. In between bouts of acting like a complete idiot, Robin summoned forth none other than Steven Seagal. Together we fought, slicing and dicing until nary a vampire was to be found in less than several bite-size pieces. This all actually happened more or less, except the parts about all of the weird shit that I said happened. The part I left out was when I went to the Amazon.com website and purchased a copy of "Against The Dark", because Netflix was taking to damn long to send me the DVD. The suspense was killing me and I simply had to see Steven Seagal fight vampires. So in essence I didn't really need Robin Williams and his baggy pants to fulfill my destiny.