Gurglin' Jack's Hobo Haven (Tenderloin District) Where the Steel Reserve flows on tap, served ice cold in a paper sack. Panhandlers welcome. Delicious cheap vodka that will fuck your shit up served in plastic pint bottles to prevent breakage. Thick with the aroma of urine and body odor (and maybe a little somethin' more!). No cover charge, but a distinct limp is required at the door.
The Hipster Hotel (Mission District) Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap with a bourbon shot for $3.00. Loud and supposedly tongue-in-cheek 70s rock anthems on juke box. Pool table. Strict dress code: Patrons must look as if they have just stepped out of a time machine from 1984, or appear to have been crossbred with a filthy hillbilly during a telaportation mishap, no exceptions.
Slutty's (Union Square) Attractive and under 35 patrons ONLY. Minimum one bottle Cristal or Grey Goose vodka per booth. Free use of booth phones. No skanks. Billboard quality lookers only. 36 and over crowd will be stared at with raised eyebrow and refered to as "Redenbachers".
The Manhole (Castro District) Leather-themed and Highway Patrol friendly, this legendary SF gay bar offers its famous Chaps and Cheeks Contest every Wednesday night. Tom of Finland decor and exotic "erection collection" doll house display. Did someone say "Manwich"?
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