With rumors flying fast and furious that Earth is about to collide with the planet Saturn any day now, I thought it would be wise to compile a list of items that I'll be packing up for my trip on the escape space shuttle to the Earth II biodome habitat on planet Mars.
1.) Lil' Smokey cigarette-flavored nicotine bubble gum.
2.) Bootius Maximus cushioned buttock enhancer pads (Soul Train style)
3.) Werther's humane euthanasia butter candies for the elderly
4.) Johnson's MILF Wax
5.) "Fuckin' Shit Up: An Autobiogarphy" by Angela Lansbury
6.) Hall's chewable tapeworm-loosening laxatives
7.) Coleman portable funeral home kit
8.) Tom's of Maine All-Natural Sexual Ecstasy Lotion
9.) Capin' Salty's sea salt-flavored condoms
10.) 1001 Racist Zingers joke book
11.) Flintstones Boner Time chewable Viagra for kids
12.) Raid Aerosol Spray Hobo Repellent
13.) Lego Skanytown Playset with spring-activated bitchslap action
14.) Fassbinder's Mint Julep Colon Cleanse
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