It was a muggy June night around eleven P.M. We finally had the Tommygun Gang cornered inside the McDougal's House of Dildos on Bleaker Street. I sent Chief O'Brien and his men around the back while Detective Jiggers and his men stood sentry in the front. Dead or alive the Tommygun Gang was history as of this night. They were a rotten barrel full of bad apples, that bunch. "Dicknose" Jackson, "Chicken Fucker" Charlie McMullen, "Flapjack" Peterson, Grandpa "Dentures" Dugan, Jake "Hamburger Helper" Dixon, "Boobies" McTeague, Jimmy "Jack 'Em Off" Hatfield, Bilbo "The Hobbit" Baggins, Herbert "Zeppo" Marx, Benny "Big Hangin' Wiener" Jurgens, Sonny "Pee Pee Ca Ca Poo Poo" Hampton, Winkie "The Twinkie" Burns and Herman "The Total Fucking Asshole" Leary.
One of the creeps called out from the shadows just beyond the open front door of the House of Dildos.
"We wanna to speak to Dick Dalton!" the voice said. I stepped forward.
"That you, Dicknose?" I asked. "The jig is up, boys! Come out with your hands up, or in about two seconds that warehouse is gonna be riddled with so many bullets that when you all finally DO come out, you'll all thirstily drink glasses of water, only to find that the water your drinking pours out from several holes in your bodies like a sprinkler!" I warned.
"What in the fuck does that mean?" The phantom voice asked.
"It means that we are going to shoot so many goddamn bullets into that dildo warehouse that you will all be hit by several of them and then scientists will be able to store plutonium up your asses" I answered.
"What the hell is he talking about?" another voice asked, truly puzzled.
"It means that the led in the bullets that has riddled your bodies will make you ideal for safe and efficient plutonium storage". I clarified.
"What does plutonium have to do with us?" the first voice questioned.
"Look", I said, "It's very simple. If you don't all come out of that dildo warehouse, these men surrounding the dildo warehouse are going to fire a hail of bullets into the walls of the dildo warehouse. Since you are all inside of aforementioned the dildo warehouse, chances are pretty good that you will all be hit by several bullets, making you all resemble a type of cheese manufactured in a foreign country renowned for this certain type of cheese".
"Are you drunk, Dalton?" the second voice asked.
"Very!" I answered, firing my machine gun into the warehouse
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