Everyone Into The Cesspool!

My most recent Craig's List personal ads:

Man With French Fries in Underwear Wants To Be Your Happy Meal - 38 (nob hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847115705@craigslist.org?subject=Man%20With%20French%20Fries%20in%20Underwear%20Wants%20To%20Be%20Your%20Happy%20Meal%20-%2038%20(nob%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 10:28AM PDT

And when the sad clown looked into the toilet...he saw blood...making his day even worse. First the tainted bacon...now blood in the stool. Was nothing to go right for Mr. Pickles today? Maybe he shouldn't have shoved that golf trophy up his butt, or that kitchen witch...but who doesn't love a kitchen witch? The little hag on her little broom...how she flies...zoom zoom zoom.

Let's make sexual magic, baby! I am the wizard of sexual sorcery! I even wear a pointy hat with moons and stars printed on it and say things like "Abra-ca-da-bra" as I removed your undergarments...it's super sexy, momma! Yaow! Then I make sounds like an ape! Oh ooooooooo oooooo ooooo eeeeehhhh eeeeaaaa aahhhhh!!!

Then we break out the yogurt and the fish tank! WOOOO WEEEEEE! Fish hooks in my nipples! Got you a live one, baby! Let's bid on a that nude, velvet painting of me we saw on ebay!

Man With Hand Puppets Says They Want To Touch Your Boobs! - 39 (potrero hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847147876@craigslist.org?subject=Man%20With%20Hand%20Puppets%20Says%20They%20Want%20To%20Touch%20Your%20Boobs!%20-%2039%20(potrero%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 10:49AM PDT

WOOOOOO WEEEEEEE!!!!! Man that lemonaide was tangy! Must have been all the embalming fluid! Now that I'm full of juicy embalming fluid we can pull my legs out like Stretch Armstrong! Think of all the positions we could achieve with my newfound flexibility!... We can pretend I work for S.E.T.I and I will "make contact" with your "alien sexual part things"...it will be a close encounter of the sexual kind!!!! Then we will raise our tropical cocktails and proclaim..."Welcome to Fantasy Island!"

Let me fill your underwear with spaghetti and kiss your wax vampire teeth. Baby you're the tops! Look! I'll kneel down on my shoes and pretend I am a sexy midget! Come closer...I won't bite...I just want to lick you..that's all...like a lolipop...one of the really big ones...like the kind they used to sell at The Nut Tree!....here...lets pretend my thing is a train...and you are a tunnel..chuga chuga chuga...WOOOOO WOOOOOO!!!!!

Now watch me juggle these baby dolls....I learned how to do this juggling real babies...it took a while...but you can't make an omlet without...well...you know...who knew something so small and squishy was full of that much blood?

Man In Paper Burger King Crown Proclaims He is "King of Sex" - 38 (SOMA / south beach)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847295524@craigslist.org?subject=Man%20In%20Paper%20Burger%20King%20Crown%20Proclaims%20He%20is%20%22King%20of%20Sex%22%20-%2038%20(SOMA%20/%20south%20beach) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 12:26PM PDT

Larry was feeling down...his adult diapers were itchy due to the fish sticks and the rubber of his fake mohawk wig was making his head sweat. He'd been hiding inside the port-a-potty for hours waiting to scare someone...anyone...but no one seemed to need to use the facilities today. He had rubbed chocolate syrup all over his face for a frightening effect but now it was starting to irritate his skin. Did no one have to make a numbet two or one today? Was there no God in Heaven above? Damn in was getting hot inside the port-a-potty...bad day to chose to frighten people...

Larry wished that instead of being inside the port-a-potty, that he was instead in a place called "Boogietown"...where everyone wore tight, silk shorts and roller skates...and had "Boogie fever"...it wasn't I sickness...it was a gift.

Man With Head Wrapped In Toilet Paper Says He Got "Brad Pitt" Face - 39 (castro / upper market)Reply to: mailto:pers-847415043@craigslist.org?subject=Man%20With%20Head%20Wrapped%20In%20Toilet%20Paper%20Says%20He%20Got%20%22Brad%20Pitt%22%20Face%20-%2039%20(castro%20/%20upper%20market) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 1:52PM PDT

Here, let me rub you with this package of raw hotdogs...it's like being caressed by a dozen weiners...just like that weird dream you had about Don Knotts being sexy. Don't mind the blood stains on the carpet...or that crime scene victim outline...the landlord said it was cool if we hang out and perfom feats of sexual magic...that's why I brought the pogo sticks and the package of hot dogs. I'm wearing my underwear in the outside of my pants so they come off quicker...then I just have to take my pants off and the underwear is removed with them...I learned that from my friend Dickie.

Here I made you a present...it's a barbie doll with a rubber shark head taped to the neck...I call it "shark lady"...she's a mutant...just like you. You should get a tattoo on your ass that says "Check out how hot my ass is"...that would be cool. I would get that tattoo...it would be better than that one I have of Gary Coleman having sex with the giant mushroom...I don't know what I was thinking when I got that one...weird.

I bet you can't eat this entire raw potato with out throwing up

Horny Dork Poses As Artist, Seeks Nude Female Model - 39 (portola district)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847431055@craigslist.org?subject=Horny%20Dork%20Poses%20As%20Artist,%20Seeks%20Nude%20Female%20Model%20-%2039%20(portola%20district) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 2:03PM PDT

Bet I can eat more chili than you can! Wanna find out? Then we can have a hot dog eating competiton. I can make a sound like a tiger...GRRRRRRRRRRRR...watch me roll around this dirty, old, bear rug in my sexy thong....Hmmmmmm rub my buttocks with salad oil.....yeah momma....put these crayons up your nose...SEXY!

Do you like my mullet? I also braid my ass hairs into a sexy ponytail...like I'm a horse "NNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"....I had prunes for breakfast.

I made this tattoo gun out of a sewing machine and a hypodermic needle I found in the gutter...here I can give you that Aerosmith tattoo I was thinking about. Don't worry...I rubbed it all down with Pinesol

Man Like Boobs and Butt, Go "Squeeze Squeeze! "Have Salad Oil! - 39 (haight ashbury)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847513545@craigslist.org?subject=Man%20Like%20Boobs%20and%20Butt,%20Go%20%22Squeeze%20Squeeze!%20%22Have%20Salad%20Oil!%20-%2039%20(haight%20ashbury) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 3:07PM PDT

Me squeeze boobs and butt! Make noise! Go "Honk honk"! like car! Go "OOOOOGGAHHH" like old car! Like model T car! Then go "WWWWWOOOOO WWWOOOO" like train! You like! Me have two hands for to sequeeze boobs at same time...then squeeze butt parts at same time but later with both squeeze hands for squeezing! You have many orgasm! Go "YYYYYYEESSSSSSSSS Peepo!"

Rub you with many salad oil...make slippery for sex! Then I comb hair with fish skeleton I find...go "WOOOOOO WOOOOOO!: again like train for no reason!

I squeeze boobs and butt for you! Make sex!

Guy In Gorilla Mask Says He's "King of The Felchers" - 41 (excelsior / outer mission)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847569265@craigslist.org?subject=Guy%20In%20Gorilla%20Mask%20Says%20He [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 3:53PM PDT

Here I made you a necklace out of rat turds.

My Ventriloquist Dummy Finds You Sexually Attractive - 41 (north beach / telegraph hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847590664@craigslist.org?subject=My%20Ventriloquist%20Dummy%20Finds%20You%20Sexually%20Attractive%20-%2041%20(north%20beach%20/%20telegraph%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 4:12PM PDT

Creepy man-child who sleeps in a baby crib has made a a present for you...it's a hat made out of a pumpkin. You can wear it when we make sweet love tonight.

I'll sing to you in my high-pitched Jerry Lewis voice and make you a nice tea from the water we boiled the hot dogs in...my world famous "hot dog tea"

Archie is The Sex Man. Ladies Love The Archie For Sex - 41 (mission district)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847617117@craigslist.org?subject=Archie%20is%20The%20Sex%20Man.%20Ladies%20Love%20The%20Archie%20For%20Sex%20-%2041%20(mission%20district) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 4:36PM PDT

The Archie is the sexy man for sex...have many dead fish to roll around in in playpen...we strip naked...many wrestling for Archie for to have sex...Archie very sexy except for bad teeth and back hair...also many fart from Archie make air smell bad...will try not to do during sex wrestling with Archie

Let me wear your panties on my head and talk like Jerry Lewis - 38 (lower nob hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-847636957@craigslist.org?subject=Let%20me%20wear%20your%20panties%20on%20my%20head%20and%20talk%20like%20Jerry%20Lewis%20-%2038%20(lower%20nob%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-09-19, 4:54PM PDT

You know what's really sexy? A man with panties on his head and diving flippers on his feet talking like Jerry Lewis and knocking things over with a jousting pole. Of course he would be covered in slippery margarine