BoBo Make Groucho Marx Moustache Out Of Shit!

The National Board Of American Retardation presents this week's Craig's List personal ads in support of my ongoing continuation of "The Aristocrats" joke :

Man Creates Strange New Sex Device, Needs Woman In Clown Mask - 39 (potrero hill)

Reply to: mailto:pers-829147340@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 3:37PM PDT

It fun...make sound like "WWWWWWWOOOOOOPPPPPP WWWWHHHHHOOOPPPPPPP!!!!". Give many hours pleasure for you sex parts. I real scientist. Wear lab coat and have monkey in cage. This device give many pleasure in sex areas...make you scream "Yes! Yes! More Cool Whip! Do it!". Bet you never knew you can play harmonica that way! It go "WHHHHHHHOOOOPPPPP! WHHHHHOOOPPPPPP!!!"

For many hours you orgasm from sex pleasure. I get patent and sell on TV like QVC! Me nutty inventor scientist person...give many pleasure with fabulous new device!

Sugar Daddy Turns Out To Be Literally Made Of Sugar, Melts In Hot Sun - 40 (nob hill)

Reply to: mailto:pers-829052304@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 2:31PM PDT

Did you ever have one of those days when you were too sexy? I mean...like smoldering with sexual potency...like a steaming bowl of delicious chicken-fried rice? I'm having one of those days....I mean I couldn't even bear to don a shirt as when I looked in the mirror...I just thought, "Shit...that is one sexy man!"....so I went to work in a blue, zebra print thong and a pope's hat...so that I might bless the ladies with my sexual power...I ALMOST went to work naked...but figured I might get arrested...But SERIOUSLY...I AM THAT SEXY TODAY

... I may look like Howdy Doody....what with being a carrot-topped, freckle-faced dickweed...but I am one SEXY man! I mean if you touched my ass with your finger...it would make a sizzling sound...like delicious bacon. I am that sexy today...

So I would suggest you get me while the gettin' is this sexy! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Damn I am sexy!

Man Dressed As Mountain Climber Wants To Take Trip To "Boob Mountains" - 38 (nob hill)

Reply to: mailto:pers-829212076@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 4:24PM PDT

Yo-dee-oh-la--heeeeeeee!!!!RRRRRRIIIIIICCCCCCOOOOOLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Yes ladies, Larry is "in da house" and ready to scale your fleshy alps...to brave the depths of your cleavage in search the illusive boob yeti...Larry is my name and boobs are my game.....boobs and Stratego...and Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots.

I had my real eyes removed and replaced with glass tiger eyes from a local taxidermist...now I look like a tiger man! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! And My dentures are made of Popsicle sticks and masking tape. Do you believe in genies?

That's not blood on my shirt...it's katsup...I had fish sticks for lunch...they came out of the sea. I guess I can take my bib off now....I thought I might want some more fish sticks so I left it on. I wonder what part of the fish the fish sticks come from

Aspiring Necrophile Looking For Partner To Act Like She's Dead, LTR - 39 (haight ashbury)

Reply to: mailto:pers-829015689@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 2:07PM PDT

Everything is better when it's drenched in maple syrup...pancakes, ventriloquist dummies, tooth brushes, panties, crabgrass, garbage, naked women, cocaine, fruit loops, midgets, naked midgets, naked lady midgets, aardvarks, used tires, The Pope. My friend Jimmy.

I'd like to cover the world in maple syrup but that would cost a lot of money...perhaps mayonnaise would be cheaper...not as appealing though...and definitely not as sticky.

Man With Head Of Housefly Seeks Woman Covered With Shit - 40 (north beach / telegraph hill)

Reply to: mailto:pers-828993579@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 1:53PM PDT

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz BZZZZ Bzzzzzzzzz

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzzz

Weird Guy in Pinnochio Costume Suggests Non-Stop Sex Marathon - 40 (SOMA / south beach)

Reply to: mailto:pers-828976080@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 1:42PM PDT

Come, let my buy you a bag of rubber insects at Walgreen's. You'd be surprised how good they feel in your underwear...or maybe you wouldn't be...maybe you're "hip to the scene, Jackson". I knew when I spotted all of that mustard on the front of your shirt that you were a woman after my own heart. The kind of dame who shoves a twinkie between her buttocks and caws like a crow. The type of dame who likes a good spanking with a rubber spatula still dripping with pancake batter. The hip chick who digs ventriloquism and snuff films. Baby you're the tops! Together we'll make sexual history...which will be even more impressive because we'll be wearing unicorn costumes!

As we make love under the stars we'll find out who can drink the most chocolate milk without throwing up. You know it Baby! WOOOOOOO!!!! I know you like it when I squeeze them boobs and make that funny car horn sound effect!

Is this love? Only the magic eight ball can know...too bad you threw it at that homeless guy...now we'll never be sure

Man Dressed As Willy Wonka Passes Out Golden Tix For Tour of Bedroom - 39 (castro / upper market)

Reply to: mailto:pers-828866995@craigslist.org?: 2008-09-05, 12:34PM PDT

Hello ladies! You're cordially invited to a free tour of "The Magical Bedroom Sex Factory" .Come see where and how the magic happens! And yes I will wear my top hat when we make sweet, magical love! Instead of a river of chocolate...you'll view the magnificent..."bed of sex"...where I make the famous sex you've heard so much about! There will not be Oopa Loompas...but there will be condoms...in "all the colors of the rainbow"....I don't have a glass elevator...but I assure you there will be no shortage of "ups and downs" in my magic bedroom sex factory!

We'll have to be quiet though or we'll wake my mom up and she'll get mad.

I dress this way because I'm what my mother calls "mildly retarded". Do you like hot dogs? I had one when I went to the movies! My brother says that they make hot dogs out of human baby meat. This one time I ate a candle that was shaped like a clown...it tasted waxy...but it was really chewy like candy.

Guy In Scary Don Knotts Mask And Leather Thong Wants To Make Love! - 39 (potrero hill)

Reply to: mailto:pers-828830667@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 12:12PM PDT

Pass the Tabasco sauce, all you hot, sexy chicks! BoBo Williams wrote of the book on makin' some sex! And just because my name is BoBo doesn't mean I am a clown...my Dad was...with Ringling Brothers...but that's a long painful, alcohol-drenched story of abuse and cold-blooded murder...not to mention snuff films. But what was BoBo saying? Oh yes...sex....let's be makin' some sex...I'm really good at it. I'm very sexy...because I practice a lot...and to be really good at things...like juggling or playing the violin...it's practice! Practice! Practice!....so it's like I'm a good violinist...but with sex....because I can't play violin.

So when we be makin' some sex you'll love it! Think of it! Both of us drenched from head to toe in chocolate syrup...wearing little, red cowboy hats and adult diapers...and scuba diving flippers for safety....Man it's gonna rock when were makin' sex! I can picture it now! In my head!....I see my hands on your boobs...just like in the movies...it's going to be great!

Afterwards we can go for tacos

Man With Sticky Substance On Hands Likes To Touch Ladies! LTR! - 40 (noe valley)

Reply to: mailto:pers-828799020@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 11:53AM PDT

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEE! Bobby Jackson loves him some ladies! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEE!!!!

You may wonder why I'm dressed like the Gorton's Fisherman...well...I was down at Pier 39 pretending to be a crab fisherman. I also like to huff spray paint...WOOOOOOO!!!! It makes the world all long and swirly.

Here, crawl into this dirty sleeping bag with me...I'll let you have several sips of my Mad Dog 20/20. Love is in the air...like a big fart. Inhale the rich aroma of romance! We will trip the light fantastic as I remove your underpants and place them upon my head to frighten the children.

Let's go build a snowman...we can make it out of packing Styrofoam so it will never melt and make you cry tears of great sadness...like when you bit into that taco that one time and it screamed.

Come with me for a rainbow of fruit flavors of love...except the yellow flavor tastes like mustard...it was the best I could come up with..

Man With Adult Diaper On Head Wants To Squeeze Boobs - 38 (mission district)

Reply to: mailto:pers-828903222@craigslist.org: 2008-09-05, 12:56PM PDT

Do you like Sponge Bob Squarepants? He's on My shirt! I have chocolate all over my mouth 'cause I like CHOCOLATE!!! It's chocolaty!!!!! I like pudding!

Once I stuffed two baloons in my shirt and pretended I was a lady! I like ladies' boobies!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'm pretending I'm flying! Did you know that at Burning Man they don't really burn real people? He's a big man made of wood! I like to make a clapping sounds with my hands! WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Some people in Holland have shoes made of wood! That's silly! Who would wear shoes that are made of wood?????!!!

Can you take me home with you? I'm lost