This morning, as I tucked the children into their coffins for a day's rest after a nocturnal, blood-soaked feeding frenzy at the Golden Years Convalescent Home, my daughter Willamina asked me the inevitable question that every vampire father anticipates and dreads. "Why couldn't those people ever escape from Gilligan's Island?" she inquired, her bloodshot eyes wide with youthful wonder. I responded in pantomime, running my fingers through the air as if they were a large tarantula and then performing a few head spins on a piece of cardboard that I had left in the crypt for that specific purpose.
Next, she dropped another H bomb of a question, "Why does God create people like Grammy Award-winning R&B and soul singing sensation, Peabo Bryson?" she asked. My heart sank.
"Because God is inherently cruel and hates all living things" I answered. "He's a real douche bag, that guy" I added.
"Who? Peabo Bryson or God?" she asked.
"Both of those fuckers!" I hissed
1 comment:
Exactly. A three-hour tour puts them no more than ninety minutes off the California coast which, 20 years after WWII, should have no remaining uncharted areas whatsoever. Then again, this show got on the air around the same time that someone managed to pitch a series set in a Nazi concentration camp as a sitcom. Thank goodness television programming has evolved since then.
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