This morning as I was unsuccessfully attempting to dress Bo Bo the chimp in miniature white tie and tails, the little fucker stabbed me with a fork and bolted out the window. I heard screaming down the block, but decided I'd better lay low about being the owner of the fork-wielding monkey. Turns out that was the right deciscion. This afternoon I saw on the news that Bo Bo killed an elderly man in the park. I'd hate to have all of this Murders in the Rue Morgue shit pinned on me. Fuck that noise, Jackson! The little fucker better not try to come back when he gets hungry either, or he's going to get a meat cleaver to the skull. I knew I should have had the little bastard put down when he ripped out my left eyeball two months ago...but I kind of liked wearing an eye patch. It made me feel like a pirate...so I excused Bo Bo's violent behavior. I suppose, in hindsight, that I made a mistake.
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