Some seriously fucked up shit went down today when I was standing outside of the "The Foxy Lady" lingerie shop bitch-slapping the old lady. The bitch was shooting her mouth off again about my state of unemployment and was screaming that I'd made up all of that shit about disability. I said "Bitch, I am MENTALLY disabled!" Then I popped her in the chatterbox with my beefy ham hock-like fists. Boom! Bam! Boing! Pow! Zoink! Pang! Cha Ching! I knocked out her "grill"...those fake gold teeth that I bought her at "Mr. Bling Bling" that said "Daddy's Ho". This enraged her and she went all ballistic like some crazed elephant seal on PCP. She pounded on me with those blubbery arms of hers and finally knocked me off my feet with a roundhouse kick to the jaw. Then the bitch broke a goddamn gumball machine over my head. Everybody starts slippin' on the gumballs and cramming them into their mouths and my head's spraying blood like a goddamn fire hydrant. The blood attracts a shitload of vampire bats that start tryin' to suck on my head and then one of the fuckin' bats materializes as this goddamn vampire who introduces himself as "Count Alucard" and starts moon walking and break dancing. Next thing I know this fucking dwarf dressed like the Dutch boy on the Dutch Boy paint label runs up and starts kicking me in the balls with his wooden shoes. Finally Mel Brooks pulls up in a taco truck and jumps out and yells "Cut! Great! Print it!" and everyone stops beating the shit out of me and walks over to the taco truck for a bite to eat in between camera set ups. Who knew Mel Brooks provided his own craft services?
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