Jimmy's Cockroach Farm

At first I thought that dunce caps might be a bit excessive, but then I reasoned that since it was a gay wedding, we shouldn't really care what other people might think, especially if they thought that our dunce caps made us look stupid. They went so well with our "Austin Powers" teeth...the pairs I found in that public toilet. Who throws away two perfectly good pairs of Austin Powers teeth? Those things are hilarious! Some dumbass must have tried to cram both pairs into his mouth at once and then accidentally dropped them in the john. Now, mind you, I normally don't fish things out of public toilets for what I hope would be obvious reasons...but I simply couldn't pass these babies up. We also put on yellow rain slickers and wooden shoes and then stuffed our bellies with pillows so we both looked pregnant. We didn't want to steal the groom and groom's thunder so we were careful to use red grease paint on our faces rather than green. We weren't sure what the couple had on their registry so we just dug an old plastic Halloween pumpkin out of the hall closet and filled it with candy and pennies. Raven wrote a nice card that read "Happy Halloween faggots!". I had her change it from "you fucking faggots!" to just "faggots" as I thought the more explicit language might offend Rico and David, the soon-to-be newlyweds. Instead of rice we brought corn on the cob to throw at the couple. We figured if we were going to throw shit at them we should make it count and try to really do some damage.

We arrived at City Hall in a bulldozer, making sure to ram into the limousine that awaited the happy couple at the foot of the front steps. Talk about making an entrance! Then we sat atop the bulldozer screaming at the well-dressed crowd in a strange language we created that sounded slightly Asian. "Hong pong ching lingy lingy! Sodomites make irreegar marry man! Chingy chingy chongy!"

Then we started lobbing spoonfuls of Miracle whip at the horrified crowd, ruining several tuxedos with the slimy condiment splatter. Everyone was screaming and ducking the blobs of Miracle Whip. It was all done very tastefully in view of the significance of the day for Rico and David. We were surprised that someone actually thought we were some kind of insane wedding crashers and called the police. Luckily Grandma Chicky put up our bail so we could put in some face time at the reception. After a quick change of attire we were back in business. This time we dressed in suits and Barack Obama masks and hummed "Hail to the Chief" as we attempted to shake hands with several of the angry attendees. Not soon after that, Rico chased us out of the hall with the cake knife. Good thing there were no secret service agents present or they would have shot him.