This morning I called in sick to work claiming that I was suffering from "Boogie Fever". Luckily my employers are from India and think that this is a legitimate illness. I had some important masturbating to do today and I couldn't let something as mundane as employment stand in the way of my masturbatory obligations. My phony rubber breasts and Sarah Palin mask arrived yesterday and I was up until one in the morning installing the full length mirror and assembling the trampoline. I also needed to work on my rock opera about the life of Chef Boyardee...I'm very close to completing the dream sequence number where he is attacked by the werewolf with the dildo. It was a good thing I took the day off as I was able to sell four more phony Don Knotts autographs on Ebay this morning after my first masturbation marathon. Man that mask gets hot...especially when your masturbating. This Don Knotts autograph scam is proving to be a goddamn cash cow!
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