When the boys and I decided to play "Planet of the Apes" we should have realized it would be a bad idea to use real rifles and live rounds considering the limited visibility of the gorilla masks. Donny is still trying to dig the bullet out of Ronnie's leg with a fork. Man that kid can scream. Lucky I'm a scout master and not an emergency room doctor...I didn't have a goddamn clue what to do, so I just told Donny to use the fork utensil on his Swiss army knife to get that sucker out while Will and Brian held him down. Even the Jack Daniels hasn't shut that kid up. Guess I better give him another Dixie cup full. This is like watching Civil War surgery...it's just lucky I'm drunk or I'd be freaking out about now.
I guess I should take off my General Ursus mask and lend a hand. I aught to have my head examined letting kids fire rifles at each other. That wasn't such a concern at first since most of these kids couldn't hit the side of a barn. The problem started when I joined in. Being a marksman of sorts, I was able to take Ronnie out with one shot. Boom! Down he went, face first into the dirt screaming bloody murder.
I guess I'd better bury these weapons and come up with some kind of alibi. Maybe I can blame it on a one-armed, child-hating Cajun. Or maybe we should say the assailant had a hook for a hand...so he could at least fire a rifle more accurately. Gotta think up something better than the truth. Maybe we can say the bullet hole is a spider bite...from a really big spider with a human head and vampire fangs. Jesus I'm drunk.
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