Today I was arrested for visiting the Golden Years Convalescent Home dressed as the Grim Reaper. My entrance evoked shrieks of terror from the elderly residents sitting in the front lobby and the front desk clerk immediately phoned the police as I made my way down the main hallway. At first I thought I would be a great April Fool's gag on Grandpa Jack, but man did this one ever backfire. Apparently my appearance caused three near-fatal coronaries. Life imitates art...if you can call being an asshole an art form...which is what my ex-wife used to say it was..."Hank, you've made being a complete asshole into and art form" she used to say. I feel like such a douche bag.
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