Missed Connections

My friend Ken suggested I post a few "Missed Connections" postings on Craiggy's magical list...so I did.


To The Beautiful Midget Girl Dressed As Hitler On Bart Saturday - m4w - 36 (nob hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-896680735@craigslist.org?subject=To%20The%20Beautiful%20Midget%20Girl%20Dressed%20As%20Hitler%20On%20Bart%20Saturday%20%20-%20m4w%20-%2036%20(nob%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-10-28, 8:41AM PDT

We shared racist jokes and packets of mustard. You told me how your father was an alcoholic clown who was often chased from children's parties he was never hired to perform at and your mother was horse. We spoke of our mutual love of bacon. Then you shoved that elderly woman to the floor and threatened to vomit on her. I think your name was Mandy...or Roberta...or Mr. Findlay...I was really drunk so I can't be sure...and my monkey costume makes it hard to hear clearly sometimes.

The Redhead Punkgirl, I Helped You Drown That Rat In Your Purse W/Beer - m4w - 35 (haight ashbury)
Reply to: mailto:pers-896766736@craigslist.org?subject=The%20Redhead%20Punkgirl,%20I%20Helped%20You%20Drown%20That%20Rat%20In%20Your%20Purse%20W/Beer%20-%20m4w%20-%2035%20(haight%20ashbury) [?]Date: 2008-10-28, 9:35AM PDT

I've never met anyone who enjoyed doing things like that! Man , did that get messy or what? I loved it when you slapped that little kid across his fat mouth and told him to "stop screaming, it's just a filthy rat!". God that was priceless! And when you kicked that old man I thought I was going to die laughing! Did you really end up selling his walker or just dumping it? I have never met a woman who can drink so much Jack Daniels and not die of alcohol poisoning! Let's hook up again baby!

To the Woman who said I looked like a Chucky Doll! - m4w - 30 (SOMA / south beach)
Reply to: mailto:pers-897142038@craigslist.org?subject=To%20the%20Woman%20who%20said%20I%20looked%20like%20a%20Chucky%20Doll!%20-%20m4w%20-%2030%20(SOMA%20/%20south%20beach) [?]Date: 2008-10-28, 1:29PM PDT

Okay so granted I am a carrot-topped midget who favors denim overalls and striped shirts...but this "Hey are you a Good Guys doll?" bullshit was wack, girl! I get that shit all of the time from my co-workers but you had to say that shit at the roller disco in front of all the foxy chicks in tight silk shorts and pink tube tops with feathered hair. An when you donned that goddamn Chaka from Land Of The Lost costume and threw feces at me you crossed the line! All I did was ask you to take a spin around the roller disco and you had to get rude and make me look like a douche bag, horror icon. Well how would you feel if I really did act like Chucky and did those horrible things! And I did understand your stupid joke about Chachi from Happy Days...I just don't know what "Wah Wah Wah" means or why it's supposed to be so damn funny.

You helped me change my diaper and apply my clown make up - m4w - 36 (nob hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-897176111@craigslist.org?subject=You%20helped%20me%20change%20my%20diaper%20and%20apply%20my%20clown%20make%20up%20%20-%20m4w%20-%2036%20(nob%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-10-28, 1:52PM PDT

Seriously thanks for the help. I couldn't get to those hard to reach areas with the pirate hooks on both hands. Next Time I'll just use one...and without so much duct tape! And next time I won't eat so many frozen burritos before I do a kid's party gig! It felt like my ass had been burned with a blown torch! I don't always play "Arggy The Pirate Clown"...usually it's "Mr. Pickles" or "Danny Wet Whistle" ...I have an entire arsenal of characters I do. Sorry the ventriloquist dummy freaked you out...I made him up like for Halloween...and he doesn't usually grope women...I don't know what got into the little sucker! I'm going to spank his rotten little butt! I'll film it and send you a tape!

You didn't tell me your name...even though I asked like twelve times...or your phone number and address either...I'll need those to send you the tape of me spanking my ventriloquist dummy's bare ass

We talked about how much fun it would be to kill a unicorn - m4w - 35 (noe valley)
Reply to: mailto:pers-898359085@craigslist.org?subject=We%20talked%20about%20how%20much%20fun%20it%20would%20be%20to%20kill%20a%20unicorn%20-%20m4w%20-%2035%20(noe%20valley) [?]Date: 2008-10-29, 1:13PM PDT

At John's party, Saturday. You said the meat would taste like venison but with a magical flavor. Then we talked about stomping a leprechaun to death and ripping the wings off of a fairy. I think I may be in love!