Ernest Saves Craig's List

Even more of my idiotic Craig's List personal postings for today...it was making me laugh so I kept doing it...it's a compulsion!

Man In Abe Lincoln Costume Wishes To Emancipate You From Sexual Boredom - 41 (potrero hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-898546112@craigslist.org?subject=Man%20In%20Abe%20Lincoln%20Costume%20Wishes%20To%20Emancipate%20You%20Of%20Sexual%20Boredom%20-%2041%20(potrero%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-10-29, 3:19PM PDT

Four score and seven dates ago I freed a lovely lady of her binding virginity. It was an expansive gesture on my part and now Honest Abe is willing to go the extra mile for another lucky lady. Yes, girls, ask yourself...who is sexier than Abe Lincoln?...With my chin beard, mole and stove pipe hat. Certainly not that homo George Washington. Yes, Andrew Jackson has a nice head of hair, but he's a total dickwad. Grant's an drunk and Taft is a transvestite. What better way to spend a night of sexual ecstasy than a visit to the Lincoln bedroom?

I Want To Gently Caress Your Rubber Klingon Head And Uniform - 38 (excelsior / outer mission)
Reply to: mailto:pers-898569395@craigslist.org?subject=I%20Want%20To%20Gently%20Caress%20Your%20Rubber%20Klingon%20Head%20And%20Uniform%20-%2038%20(excelsior%20/%20outer%20mission) [?]Date: 2008-10-29, 3:37PM PDT

Warp ten ladies! Cause Arnold Fassbinder is ready to unleash the female Klingon within! To quote the Klingon Mating Ritual code "Rach Nach Blach Nack Slac Har Vac Nar!" Yes it will be hours of soft caresses and tough Klingon Love as we mate in the ancient ritual of KRAKNAR on the twelfth Klingon Moon and Mining Colony of Darkus 10! I will make you my SLARKCHARD! And together we shall achieve SLAYRVAC!

Do You Dress Up Like Wonder Woman? Sleep In A Coffin? Sniff Glue? - 35 (noe valley)
Reply to: mailto:pers-898605445@craigslist.org?subject=Do%20You%20Dress%20Up%20Like%20Wonder%20Woman%3f%20Sleep%20In%20A%20Coffin%3f%20Sniff%20Glue%3f%20%20-%2035%20(noe%20valley) [?]Date: 2008-10-29, 4:05PM PDT

BY THE POWER OF GRAY SKULL! I HAVE THE PPOOOOOOOWWWWWEEEEERRRR! To make you happy...to give you all those things the other dullards refuse to give you...like socks with barbie doll heads glued to the toes...and a bowling ball covered in blood and human hair and brain tissue. A novelty driver's license that says your name is "Cooter McDragonlick Fuckmunch III"...I'll bake you that cake shaped like the hyrdocephalic baby and glue rubber spiders on that globe...so it looks like spiders are attacking the Earth! I'll paint blood stains on your bedroom walls replicating that arterial spray you like so much and cover the floor in raw meat and sewage...just like you imagined it! We'll watch horror films twenty four hours a day and live on Dr. Pepper and cigars.

Gentle Ernest P. Worrell Impersonator Seeks Naughty Nude Nympho - 37 (nob hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-898635012@craigslist.org?subject=Gentle%20Ernest%20P.%20Worrell%20Impersonator%20Seeks%20Naughty%20Nude%20Nympo%20%20-%2037%20(nob%20hill) [?]Date: 2008-10-29, 4:29PM PDT

Hey ladies...much like Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington would say in his sexy low voice "Hi there". I am currently employed at the Six Flaggs amusement park as their resident host for the "Ernest Save Christmas" Imax 3-D experience. So I tend to like to stay in character all the time..."Know what I mean, Vern?". If you like the hilarious series of Ernest comedy films we'll get along splendidly..."Know what I mean, Vern?". I guess there's no need for me to send a picture because if you're reading this, chances are you're an "Ernest P. Worrell" fan like me...needless to say I look like the great Jim Varney. Lets get together and watch "Ernest Scared Stupid" for Halloween! A Halloween classic...know what I mean, Vern?