As I donned the Colonel Sanders mask and removed my clothing, it occurred to me that this was not going to be just any ordinary day...I had already eaten an entire "pest strip" covered in a black mass of dead houseflies and washed it down with a can of paint thinner. Funny how two hits of PCP can really steer one's morning in a whole new, unexpected direction.
Here I was crouching naked in a closet with an axe, hiding from what I had come to call "The blueberry ghost monster man with that chicken thing growing out of its head"...hence the Colonel Sanders mask...I figured I could at least attempt to put the fear of God into the "chicken thing"..if not "The blueberry ghost monster man"....in any case...neither was going to get me without a fight.
I attempted to call in sick for work this morning but all I managed to leave on the voicemail system was some screaming gibberish about a werewolf with rattlesnakes coming out of its eye sockets and how I had trapped it inside the toilet. It had shrunk at one point so that it could attempt to crawl inside of my brain via my right ear...that was when I had trapped it inside the toilet bowl.
Maybe I can convince the dragon that keeps popping out of the oven to come to my aid...or the magical Chinaman who's floating above the hamper in the master bedroom.
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