For anyone who gives a rat's ass about my rotten habit/rotten hobby/rotten way of providing myself with cheap laughs...here you go :
Weird Man With Pantie Hose Mask On Head Seeks Hot Girlfriend - 39 (castro / upper market)
Reply to: mailto:pers-795662025@craigslist.org Date: 2008-08-13, 5:02PM PDT
Come let us play with these hand puppets. They shouldn't be that sticky as I've had them sterilized. You sit in the play pen and I'll pour chili on you while you you make a weird high-pitched noise with the plastic nose flute. Then we'll each drink a gallon of bourbon and see who can eat the most hot dogs in the shortest period of time. Who doesn't enjoy a nice egg salad? (Cue U.F.O. landing sound effect) then we pretend we are speaking Mandarin...but it's really just gibberish...
Nude Man In Turban Pretends He is Sexual Genie - 38 (potrero hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-795799056@craigslist.org Date: 2008-08-13, 6:54PM PDT
Let us make love in a bathtub full of mustard...or your condiment of choice...perhaps you prefer tartar sauce..or A-1 steak sauce...doesn't matter...but my personal preference leans toward mustard....just so we have that clear. Be nice to me and I will let you wear the snowman costume. we will eat zingers under the stars and make love with marionettes...(that's "WITH" and not "TO"). You can be the hot cheerleader and I will be the man on the Brawny paper towel label. I will apply expired postage stamps to your nipples and baste you with lemon juice and onions. You can change your name to Gerald Candycorn and I will be Lord Willie Danceabout. And don't forget the wax lips
Horrible, Smelly Mutant With Misshapen Head Seek Lady For Mating - 40 (potrero hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-795594956@craigslist.org Date: 2008-08-13, 4:12PM PDT
Papa Jupiter seek lady with boobs and child hip for mating in desert cave. Give you many animal bone necklace and human ear necklace...wrap you in coyote hide furs for keeping warm in freezing night. Cook you human baby...fat and juicy I stole from trailer. Be my woman! Be my woman for mating! We make many mutant cannibal children...roam desert raiding innocent victims...eat much human flesh and steal shiny object for trading! Also sensitive and caring for mating woman...love art and music and long walks in burning desert sand...protect you from radiation...Be my woman now!
Man With Sausage Down Pants Tries To Impress The Ladies - 39 (noe valley)
Reply to: mailto:pers-795632101@craigslist.org Date: 2008-08-13, 4:39PM PDT
Harold wanted nothing more than to impress the hot, lusty ladies with his new groin appendage enhancement device. It was indeed impressive if not slightly frightening. Harold had made sure he received maximum exposure but buying pants that were two sizes too small for him. Accompanying the sausage were two lemons placed on either side of the beef-based enhancement device. Harold made a point to force his groin outward so that it protruded obscenely before his person. When a sexy lady passed by him at the roller disco, Harold would point to his groin and nod slightly to the passing woman of his fancy. This would be accompanied by the sound of a bicycle horn that Harold wore on the belt of his absurdly tight slacks. Once this ritual was performed, Harold would signal his friend Bo Bo the Clown to begin circling the woman on his unicycle while juggling bowling pins painted to resemble nude women. Next Harold would offer the woman a carton of melting ice cream and a tin of shoe polish so that she might apply a Groucho Marx moustache. Then he would smash a cheeseburger between his buttocks and growl like a werewolf. Then came the hand puppets...but that's another story for another day.
You : Glasses, Nice Cleavage,Tattoos,Nerdy Girl, Me: Chewbacca Costume - 39 (nob hill)
Reply to: mailto:pers-795895932@craigslist.org Date: 2008-08-13, 8:19PM PDT
Man it's hot in this fucker...I hope someone responds to this posting soon or I may pass out....God! it's hot in this fucking thing....when I bought this on eBay I thought it would really pull the foxy chicks....but now it just smells like urine and B.O.,.....I suppose I should stop wearing it to work...or at least have it dry cleaned...Hard to breathe...so hairy...can barely make wacky Chewbacca growling sound...sweat pouring into eyes...can barely type sensual, Chewbacca-related posting to attract all of the hot, nerdy girls...so sweaty..like a fucking furnace....even that stupid hot dog costume I used to have to wear was better than this...Goddamn....this sucks....so hot...so stifling..... Do you like onions? I do...well...I like the word "onion"...it's fun to say that word..."onion"...but all of this sweat....and the urine stench...I should have washed this costume after I purchased it on ebay....eeeeebbbbayyyy...help me...help me be cool to the nerdy cleavage girls.....tell them I am only a fake Chewbacca......Chew-Bacc-ca...even the name sounds funny...I'm melting...in my Chewbacca costume....
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