Mr. Kooky Pockets

I have been told by several people who have either borrowed a jacket of mine or rifled through my pockets for any given reason, that I keep some very strange things on my person. A few weeks ago my ex-girlfriend returned a coat of mine that I had left in her closet. Upon returning it she informed me of the contents of the pockets..stating "you also had a bloody, rubber finger in there.". Another friend who borrowed an overcoat of mine was shocked by my magician-like pockets, later telling me of his amazement at the bizarre assortment of crap that he found in them....rubber monster teeth, an eye patch, cryptic pages of movie ideas, a plastic Black Widow spider...the list went on and on. My current pocket contents are equally strange...Squeaky Fromme's address, a monocle, a list of celebrity names and porn links that were sent to me using their names..(see previous blog)...an old police report I gave when a nutcase neighbor decided he might like to kill me.

Maybe I should actually become a magician...or a circus clown...I think they like to pull weird shit out of their pockets, don't they? I've never been to the circus but I'm pretty sure that's the case.
I remember reading in John Waters' "Shock Value" that he was once arrested for driving home drunk with slashed tires and that when he emptied his pockets he experienced the same sort of occurrence...finding , among other things, a rubber rat. Sounds perfectly normal to me. I probably have one in a coat pocket somewhere myself.