Newton began January 7th, 1983 as he did any other day...by waking up and slowly rising from his cardboard box tucked into the dark corner of Granny Ringworm's damp basement. He knew not womankind. The stirring emotions and deep longings within him puzzled him so.
Granny had left him her dinner scraps in the rusty bucket inside the dumbwaiter. Today breakfast would be a few crusts of bread and a bit of over-cooked pork loin. How Newton longed to eat three chickens. He was unable to articulate this culinary pipe dream to anyone but Granny Ringworm, who would beat him without mercy and spit heavy globs of phlegm into his face each time the request of three chickens was proposed.
Help Newton fulfill his dream. This can be achieved by drawing a picture of Newton...(He is a 45 year old, balding man-child who sports a filthy, cloth diaper and tattered Adam Rich t-shirt) . Then create a simple maze configuration with a drawing of three, cooked chickens situated at the outlet of the maze opposite your drawing of Newton.
With a yellow crayon draw a crooked line from Newton, leading through the maze to the chickens. When this is completed, shove the drawing into your mouth and force it down your throat with a sharpened pencil.
After this has been done, strip naked and cover your body with feces, and simply run down the street shrieking at the top of your lungs and waving a large, meat cleaver. And please don't forget to shove the crayon up you ass.
Newton will thank you
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