I am addicted to posting ridiculous fake personal ads in the "Men Seeking Women" section of Craig's List. Something about seeing such ridiculous gibberish posted on a public forum cracks me up. I can post these things all day long and never get tired of how funny it all seems next to the Burning Man dickweeds trying to get laid. Here are a few recent posts :
Man With Tuba Up Butt Can Make Funny Sounds For Lady
Reply to: <pers-776531801@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-07-30, 2:20PM
Let's get "Jiggy Wit it" Baby! You and me! We'll tie the knot...preferablly in our underwear...furry underwear.....with wodden shoes on so we can go "Clickity click...clickity click" like the little Dutch Boy on the paint can. I'll rub your breasts with lemons and feed you handfuls of beef jerky under the stars. I have seen it in my magic eight ball...tis our destiny....that we may rub our privates with mayonaise and dance the dance of the elves...here...smell my shoe.... The pickles are in the cellar and are ready for Granny's barn dance. Here...closely examine this painting of a zerba I painted while in the "joint"...notice anything strange about it?...I mean...aside from the fact that it has Adolf Hitler's head and is wearing clown shoes...
Wacky Guy in HiIlary Clinton Mask Seeks Girl Who Smells like Mildew
Reply to: <pers-733661287@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-06-26, 12:48PM
And then, just when Beepo, the little hispanic boy thought he was safe, the men in the dragon constume attacked! Grrrrrr! they growled..."We are the dragon of Aganogonwogga!"....The Mushroom people tried to help little Beepo but the dangerous cannibals inside the dragon costume had biten his legs and arms and head off...leaving only his torso. Such a sad day for young Beepo. The Taco Titan cried tears of sadness as the man in the bow tie beat him with many varieties of dead fish...a yah, the Lord did speak..."Do unto pinheads as the ventriloquist doth do to thyne concert pianists"...and the clouds did part...and the angels did eat paste. Cluck cluck goes the chicken when milkman doth singith his milkman's creed! Let me take you away from all of this pain and sadness and sexual frustration...to a magic land where people walk upside down and skunks are 8 feet long and wear vampire capes and eat elderly people who are too slow to make it to the underground shelter when the alarms are triggered.. All hail the second-rate Charlie Chaplin impersonator! Long may he reign! I love you! Now lets take off all of your clothes..here..put on this Fu Manchu costume
Wiggly, Jiggly Vasaline-covered Tyrant seeks Inflatable Woman
Reply to: <pers-733492218@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-06-26, 10:44AM
look! Up in the sky! It's a goddamn flyin' nazi! Holy cow! Let us swim in rivers of chocolate and prance in the fields of hot dog trees! Don't mind my Mr. Peanut Costume...it comes with the job. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air....at least I think it's love...it smells I bit like bum urine...but I'm sure that will pass. Did you cry when Bambi's mother was shot? Did you guffaw when Jerry Lewis said "Hoivin!" Let us paint the town plaid and steal the dentures of the elderly so that we each have really big teeth....and with our big, elderly teeth we shall bite the children who travel through the warbrobe to Narnia... Ahhhh Narnia...where the Yetis dance and the Dentists paint unflattering portraits of Jack Palance! What joys this world offers.. Let us seize the day as we seize each others private parts so that we may "get jiggy wid it" let me rub mayonaise in your hair and bathe you in cheap vodka, my darling
Pregnant Half Chicken Man seeks Woman with Hitler Moustache
Reply to: <pers-733463667@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-06-26, 10:23AM
Hello all you sexy, saucy ladies..my name is ROLO..and I'm an affectionate, sword-swallowing, fetus-juggling Genie...yes the Genie of the lamp...here to grant your every sexual wish..(gong sound effect) Like that one about the Ostrich egg....or the Bowling pin and chocolate bar fantasy. Come on Baby! Let me shiver yer timbers! Let me bolt your doors and lock your windows! Let me be the Popeye to your Olive Oyl...Let me stick a yam up your butt... This is the sound a choo choo train makes : Chuga chuga chuga Woo woo! Oh no! Jimmy wrote his name in feces on the wall again! Uh Oh Juuuuungo! Yours truly, Malcom Q. Douchebag, Esquire
Strange Man In Leather Thong And Cowboy Hat Wants To Touch Your Butt
Reply to: <pers-776714905@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-07-30, 4:47PM
Hey there all you SEXY LADIES!!!!!! WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! They call me "Big Freddy". "They" being the voices in my head. You may have seen me out near Pico's Taco Stand...I was the guy dressed as the big taco waving to cars. Yep...that was me...the one with melted chocolate all over his lips. Do you believe in Sasquach? I've seen him...up yonder in Northern California. Do you like my thong? I think it makes me look like a sexual gladiator...ready for the conquest! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Go get 'em Big Freddy! It smells a little funny because of the ointment I got from the doctor...he said it would make the drips go bye bye birdie! You ever see that musical? Did it mention anything about the ointment? I love a nice big glass of rum! I'm like a pirate...but I'm like a butt pirate because I love to touch the ladies' butts...they're all round and squishy...like a big squishy thing with a crack in the middle...not like Humpty Dumpty...more like....like an octopus head...or a couple of them put really close together. I sure hope this rash goes away soon. They won't let me wear the giant taco suit until it does....puts a dent in Big Freddy's paycheck. Lets get together and make love in some bushes....I'll bring the krinkle cut french fries and you can bring the dog leash. I will talk like heep big Ingun Chief! How!
Man In Rainbow Afro Wigs Wants To Eat Fig Newtons Out Of Your Panties
Reply to: <pers-776621470@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-07-30, 3:29PM
Judge not, lest yee be judged...Is it wrong to have a strong sexual attraction to Ronald McDonald? Is is wrong to love a big-breatsed woman on stilts talking in a funny, fake Chinese accent with hilarious buck teeth in her mouth and wearing coke bottle glasses like Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast At Tiffany's"?... Is it wrong to keep a box of sticky,naked Barbie dolls under your filthy basement cot? If Momma finds them they'll be Hell to pay...you bet yo ass Joseefus! Feets don't fails me now! Do you like my tight, silky, gold shorts and mesh tank top? My tube sox are just painted on...they aren't real....go ahead...put your hand down my shorts...there's a special surprise in there...just like a box of Cracker Jacks...but this surprise is more penis-shaped.I've legally changed my name to "Twinkie McDicknose". I also play bass for a heavy Metal band called "Whiplash Chicken"...we shread! Who doesn't love a nice soap box derby?
Baby Man Rub Lady with Chocolate? Put Twinkie in Butt?
Reply to: <pers-776649899@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-07-30, 3:52PM
Jerry Lewis Impersonator: NIIIIICCCEEEE LLAAADYYYYY!!!! HOIVEN!
Woman in Milk Maid Outfit: Hey Honeychild...how you like THESE CANS? (Car horn sound effect and slide whistle)
Jerry Lewis Impersonator: OHHHHHHHHH FEEELLLLS FUNNY FEELING IN MY UNDERPANTSEN IN THE TROUSERS OF THE THING! HOIVEN!
Enter Man dressed as Hilter.
Man Dressed as Hilter : Is it hot in here or am I just dressed like Hitler? (Uproarious laughter from laugh track)
The narrator, dressed as Mark Twain, turns to the audience with a bit of homespun wisdom.
Narrator/Mark Twain : This play is like a baby covered in mayonaise...all slippery, and squeally and craps in its diapers and has an over-sized head.
Shot of audience looking puzzled at this last statement. Narrator/Mark Twain grunts like an ape, reaches into his pants and pulls out a handful of feces which he heaves at the disgusted audience members. Curtain lowers The End
(This last one was flagged as inappropriate and removed)
Weird Guy Holding Tiolet Brush Wants To Buy You A Drink You Sexy Thang - 37 (SOMA / south beach)
Well Chim Chiminey Chim Chim Churee, fancy meeting you here after all these drinks. I wore my yellow overalls with no shirt as you requested, my fair lady....see...I really DO have that much hair on my back....and on my buttocks as well....it hides the pimples and boils....as well as those pesky ticks. You may wonder why I am wearing this rubber Medusa Mask...well I thought it would help hide the scars...and help cover the bad breath. I wore the name tag so you would know my name is "Magic Charlie". I got that nickname because I pull all kinds of things out of my pants....weird things...sticky things...like puppets....and lumps of peanut butter covered in pubic hair. It's just a talent I suppose. My friend Earl says I should charge addmission to see me perform...but I'm not that charming...at least not without the funny light up Jesus thing that I bought in the Mission.. Do you like hot dogs? I can buy you one...if we can find a hot dog stand...I'll even wash my hands. I don't do that for just anybody...but you're a foxy momma...love that cleavage....I'd like to put tomato paste on your boobs and refer to them as "tomatas"...that would be funny...I would laugh at that..."tomatas"...you know...like "Tomatoes" but with a New York accent...that would be funny. I could charge admission to that....I'm funny...everyone thinks so. Hey look! There's free gum on the bottom of my shoe! SCORE!
Nutty Italian Organ Grinder with Monkey Seeks Lady With Big Boobs
Reply to: <pers-776497976@craigslist.orgDate: 2008-07-30, 1:55PM
Hey! Attsa Some-a Spicey Meat-a balla! You like-a Peppi ? Do you know the Lyrics to Casper The Freindly Ghost's theme song? If so...may I remove your nightgown and drip candle wax on your rather hairy buttocks? EWWW! You know you have a growth that resembles a starfish growing on your ass? Ever milked a cow? How about a midget? A cruel midget...the kind who steals from the blind...and throws bowling pins at the elderly.. Do you smell Onions?
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