The Rules of the Game

As per our discussion in the crawlspace lime pit this morning, I have made a list of rules for the new game we have created.

1.) Dwarfs...they are good for 10 points each, 20 points of they happen to be wearing a green top hat with a gold buckle on the band. Midgets are only good for 7 points, but Phil Spectre is worth 50 points.

2.) If you make it across the entire bowling alley with the glass dildos strapped to the blades of the ice skates without slipping you get 18 points and a "Cop a Feel" card. The underwear mask must be worn over the face for the entire length of the bowling alley.

3.) Corncob pipes, rubber spiders and crystal meth will be given away as prizes during the bonus round.

4.) When vomiting occurs it must be left wherever it splatters until the end of the entire game. It cannot be cleaned up between rounds.

5.) We will refrain for using the word "rape" during the sleeping bag escape competition.

6.) If Grandma Ginny successfully wraps her bra around your neck she is allowed to strangle you until you lose consciousness.

7.) Potential sperm donors will be required to give a blood sample.

8.) Prison shanks will be supplied to the elderly for defense purposes

9.) The first full pint of blood spilled is worth 40 points.

10.) Female masturbation is highly encouraged but not required to compete.

11.) Competitors who bring film director Francis Ford Coppola as their guest will recieve 5 bonus points. They will recieve 10 bonus points if Mr. Coppola wears his academy award strapped to his forehead like a unicorn.